feeling the fear

Well, today is the day where I usually create content like videos for my YouTube channel, because the girls are in childcare.

It's also a morning to recalibrate and refill the well. There are a few dodgy bricks, and I'm pretty sure there's a leak somewhere, but nonetheless I persist in attempting to refill it because, well, what else can you do?

I've spent a good portion of this morning navigating my way to and from the supermarket, where the toilet roll aisle looks like something from a zombie apocalypse. At least, I think it's the toilet roll aisle. Pretty hard to tell. And this is in a supermarket that is very quiet a lot of the time.

There is heavy rain again. More water. Basically, we have had a LOT of water recently. And some doozy astrological lineups. And then this sodding Coronavirus outbreak.

Up until this Full Moon, I've tried to ignore it. I don't watch TV (other than CBeebies/TinyPop/Milkshake). I've deleted News off my phone. I only go on Facebook now to post on my business page (trying here, ok?)

Except I can still feel it.

Fear.

Somebody somewhere (my footnotes are going to be epic when I get round to writing a book) said that fear is spreading a helluva lot quicker than any virus ever could.

Which is true.

And I realised then - one of the ways of dealing with fear is burying your head in the sand. Hmm.

Cos see, we're all connected, whether we like it or not. A lot of the time I'm not liking this. But there's not a fat lot I can do about it and sometimes, it's a good thing. I only have to look at my daughters to be reminded.

So. I think whether we give a shit about this virus or not; whether we've bought all the hand sanitiser in Tesco's or we're giving it an extra second before we turn the tap off...

We are all to some degree, feeling fear right now because it's incredibly strong in the collective consciousness.

Now this might look like:

  • lashing out
  • panic buying
  • picking fights..

or it might be subtler like:

  • flare-ups in anxiety
  • more pronounced emotions
  • swinging quickly from one emotion to another
  • not sleeping.

But we're all in it somewhere. We can't wash our hands a bit more and make it all go away.

So what do we do with all this?

I guess we start with ourselves. Name your fears, write them down. It might be that you're fearful of someone you care about getting this virus and dying. It might be that you're fearful of wasting your life doing something you don't feel you're meant to be doing.

Without too much sitting and thinking, I just managed to write a page in my notebook of Things I Am Afraid Of (not counting everyday stuff like spiders and heights!)

That's a lot of stuff to carry.

So self-compassion, kindness. It's banded about like a buzzword now because of course society needs to capitalize upon it.

That's assuming we need to buy products to fulfil that need.

Rebellion against that is starting with being kind to ourself like we would to a child who's just listed all those fears. Some of them might be more real than the Bogeyman. Some might not. But we need to find out how to be gentle with our Selves, and what we need as an individual.

Personal example time - I need gentle movement. Yoga. Time to practise being present. Meditation. To be aware of cycles in my day-to-day life. Sobriety. Trent Reznor & Atticus Ross playlists. 

Once we get compassionate to ourselves and give ourselves what we need (and this can take some uncovering), we can start to radiate it out to other people. Relationships.

So let's sit with fear and feel it.

 

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