In this post, I'm going to share some tips that I found useful after my own miscarriage that worked for me; however loss is such a wide-ranging and complex situation that there are no 'one size fits all' tips I can give. The journey is unique to us.
The most important thing is that you give yourself the time and space to grieve.
Be aware that even the most well-intentioned people can and will come out with things that sting (A particularly common example if you've miscarried in the early weeks of a pregnancy is when you get the sorts of comments like 'well, at least you weren't further along')
So let's jump straight in and look at some ways you can begin to heal and move forwards after loss:
Herbs & Natural Remedies
As yet, I'm not a qualified medical herbalist, so I'd really recommend seeing one to support you through your own personal healing journey. Herbs work on many different levels and it's not like Western medicine where we have X issue, so you're given X remedy for it.
That being said, there are some herbs that can support you. I used an infusion of Yarrow for the days following my loss, to help with reducing the heavy bleeding, and also to help the muscles of the uterus and surrounding to recover and strengthen for the future.
I also took Raspberry Leaf tea (which is readily available in teabag form) for similar reasons - to help the uterus tone and tighten back down. Many women use this tea in the later stages of pregnancy and postpartum too.
I found an infusion of Lemon Balm gentle and soothing too for healing on a mental and emotional level.
You could also try using some essential oils in a bath, diffuser or burner. Even just sniffing them has an effect. This is a time where being kind and gentle with yourself is the #1 priority, so go with oils that you love the smell of. Gentle scents such as Lavender and Rose can be comforting and healing.
Mindset, Mental & Emotional Health
This is a massive area to cover in a single post, so again I'm just going to share some things that worked for me. Don't suffer in silence.
Treat yourself as you would in postpartum
Obviously it's not the same, it can be difficult to think about, but your body has just been through a lot. I found that treating my physical self in a similar way to how I did in previous postpartum periods (such as gentle, nutritious foods, very gentle yoga/stretching and a lot of space for resting) helped me heal.
Something else I found with my first postpartum was having to deal with a lot of guilt/blame - and of course these two can really show up after a loss. Of course someone can tell you it's not your fault a billion times - but it's finding the point where you believe it yourself.
Find a safe space to share
Something I found very healing was that when I spoke up about what had happened rather than trying to pretend that it never did, many other women came forward and shared their stories too. And honestly, I was surprised how many women I spoke to who had suffered a loss or losses.
It can be really healing to talk about what happened. But one thing I would say is be mindful of who you share your story with. Other people do have their own assumptions, baggage, wounds...and as I mentioned at the beginning, sometimes sharing with the wrong person can sting when the 'comments' come your way.
Don't suffer alone, but find that safe space, safe ear. And you might find that wasn't where or who you thought it was through experience.
This doesn't have to be elaborate - something simple like lighting a candle in the evenings, or carving out some time to meditate/be present with your feelings.
If you have access to the Headspace app, there's a good course on there entitled 'Grief' which can be really useful.
Other things that I found useful in not only this situation, but really during any of life's challenges, were to get outside and connect with nature (for me this is working with my herbs), taking some time to look for things in life that were lighter (something to make me laugh), taking life slower, gentler.
If you want to receive my fortnightly letter, then pop your email below:
Monthly Energy Forecasts, plus resources and support with moving into motherhood & holistic health.